An Imposter


“One of these things is not like the other”


Palm Reading


“In your future I see a pretty dresses, feathered hats, and a man with a very large moustache”

Triathlon Trouble


“You know you could shave milliseconds off your time by shaving off that moustache, glorious as it is”

A Soliloquy


“To shave, or not to shave, that is the question: Whether ’tis Nobler to have a busy beard, Or perhaps just a moustache”

TV Guide


“Honey, the TV Guide says that Wheel of Fortune is about to start, can you flip to channel 8?”

Political Ad


“Arms folded, staring off in to the future – this is going to look great in my political ad. Quick, someone get me a hard hat and a baby to kiss!”

Tassely Thingy


“The top bit pops off and doubles as a shave brush, which helps to keep this moustache in tip top shape”

Visiting Royals


“Was that the doorbell? Company is here and I’m not ready yet!”

Sweet Hat Too

Frontispiece book image of man with full beard wearing a feathered cap

“A late entrant! I’m sorry sir, we have already presented the moustache awards – however you are certainly a contender for best beard”